“Follow your purpose”

“Align 100% of your life to your purpose” 

“Follow your passion” 

“Do work that feels like play for you” 

“The only way to do great work is to love what you do”

Stock standard self-improvement, even “modern” society advice, yet for years I had no clarity on what that was for me. 

Sure, I knew I wanted to help people, but how? 

The how varied between being a coach like Tony Robbins, a professional League of Legends player, a self-improvement YouTuber like Hamza, or a psychologist and public speaker like Jordan Peterson.

It always included being incredibly successful and famous, inspiring millions, saving people's lives, being extraordinary.

After careful investigation and reflection for the past 2 weeks, I’m starting to see that I was missing the mark all this time.

The lessons I’m gonna teach in this letter are around 2000 years old. They come from the Hindu tradition.

I’m going to talk about the concept that most caught my attention from Dr. K, from the moment I first heard it.

Dharma: Hindu word for life’s purpose, duty, vocation, or path.

It is like a combination of those 4 and some more, and other concepts new to us, there is no direct translation.

As it happened to me as I was learning about it, it will make more and more sense as we start to break it down throughout the whole letter.

The main sources for this teaching are:

• Alok Kanojia (commonly known as Dr. K): Harvard-trained psychiatrist, 7 years of monk study in the Himalayas.

  • Two videos, both more than an hour long, where he breaks down the topic of dharma

• Stephen Cope: Renowned Yoga expert and author of multiple best-selling books on the topic.

  • His book The Great Work of Your Life: A Guide for the Journey to Your True Calling

• Krishna: The god talking in the Bhagavad Gita, a book written 2000 years ago with the wisdom of the yogis. 

  • I found these quotes in Cope’s book but will quote them directly as said by Krishna along the blog for conciseness.

This concept is extraordinary. Understanding it, life-changing.

One letter is not enough, this is going to be a series.

In this letter, we’re going to talk about what is dharma and how to find it.

In the next one, we’ll dive deeper into how to fully embrace it.

I will drag on multiple renowned examples of the self-improvement space and their story of dharma, to help us get even more clarity to explain every concept and how the theory applies in practice.

I will also share some of my dharma journey so you have a more relatable example. Because as you, I’m still learning and trying to figure this out.

Come here to start peaking into the world of the yogis and their 2000-year-old wisdom:

What is dharma and how to find it

Why do we need dharma?

“He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how.” ― Friedrich Nietzsche

The process of growth in your life is, in your mind, usually associated with effort and pain.

If you think of growth as just the end result (the reward or goal you’re trying to achieve) you will expect pleasure on the grind.

Then when you start, you’ll only see the pain and you’ll be unsure if it will ever lead to your expected outcome.

You forget the fact that growth is painful.

The goal is to CHOOSE the crappy road and ACCEPT the pain of life no matter what happens, without expecting positivity.

As Jordan Peterson puts it: “Pick up your damn suffering, and bear it, and try to be a good person so you don’t make it worse.”

Dharma is what allows us to choose and accept adversity.

“The purpose of life, as far as I can tell… is to find a mode of being that’s so meaningful that the fact that life is suffering is no longer relevant.” 
— Jordan B. Peterson

What is and isn’t dharma, and what are its benefits?

Dharma means, variously, “path,” “teaching,” or “law.” For our purposes in this book it will mean primarily “vocation,” or “sacred duty.” It means, most of all—and in all cases—truth. 

— Stephen Cope

Here we start breaking down some of dharma’s characteristics:

The main quest.

“A man’s own calling, with all its faults, ought not to be forsaken.” — Krishna

Like in a videogame, the main quest is the dharma of the protagonist, and they’ll face all kinds of pains and suffering to get there.

We need to understand that every other pursuit is a side quest:

• Money

• Status

• Physique

• Success

• Recognition

• Sex

• Health

Some side-quests are necessary to accomplish dharma, they are a means to its end.

Our focus must be on something greater, our main quest.

Another excellent example: Frodo and the Ring.

Frode finds himself with the responsibility or duty to destroy the Ring and save the world.

He is the only one who can do it, despite all his limitations (he’s a hobbit at the end of the day).

He follows the dangerous path relentlessly and accomplishes the mission.

The path was full of danger, but avoidance was the surest path to the destruction of the world.

“If you bring forth what is within you it will save you. If you do not, it will destroy you.” — Stephen Cope

In Frodo’s case: “If you bring forth what is within you it will save the world. If you do not, it will destroy it.”

We do not realize that we are in the same position as Frodo. 

At all times, every day of our lives:

“What we do now echoes in eternity.” ― Marcus Aurelius

The fullest expression of oneself.

“We might say that every person’s dharma is like an internal fingerprint. It is the subtle interior blueprint of a soul." — Stephen Cope

What does this mean?

You won’t be David Goggins, you won’t be Jordan Peterson, you won’t be Dr. K, you won’t be like them.

You are UNIQUE. Trying to be exactly like them is NOT your dharma.

It is better to fail at your own dharma than to succeed at the dharma of someone else.” — Krishna 

You need to trust your instincts to find it, you need to follow your interests to get to the bottom of the blueprint of your soul.

Dan Koe would say “Your niche is you” to say that the way to find your audience online is by being yourself.

I would increase the bid by saying “Your dharma is you”. 

IT’S ABOUT YOU. 

IT’S ABOUT YOUR PURPOSE. 

IT’S ABOUT YOUR LIFE’S WORK. 

THERE IS NO OTHER WAY AROUND IT.

You need to bring yourself to full expression, then share it with the world.

All the education you need is at your fingerprints, you have food and shelter.

If you really thought about it, you would realize you have nothing to lose, you will continue on being safe, fed, alive.

The question for you is: 

Are you gonna pursue your true self in the most abundant period of human history? 

NOT grandiose.

“Think of the small as large” —  Lao Tzu

I’ve seen so many dharma stories unfold in the exact same way:

“Fuck, I got this HUGE problem. It’s so damaging. I NEED to solve it.”

They proceed to solve it (which takes at the very least multiple years).

Then they proceed to teach it to others, and they make a living out of it.

Want some examples?

• Hamza: drug, porn, fast-food, and sex addict.

• Dr. K (from HealthyGamerGG): Videogame addict.

• Charlie Houpert (from Charisma on Command): The shyest kid

• Buddha: The deepest suffering.

• Robert Glover (No More Mr. Nice Guy author): Being a “Nice Guy” himself.

• David Goggins: 297 pounds, a life he despised despite constant seeking of comfort.

• Dan Koe: Hating 9-5s while failing at 7 business models.

And the list can go on and on and on.

I could also dive deeper into every story to show you exactly how, but if you know any of them, you know this to be true and can connect the dots for yourself (in fact, I invite you to do it).

1. They identify their most pressing problem.

2. They solve it.

3. They teach the solution.

What if, at stage 1, they would have ignored their problems?

“It’s just my problem, it doesn’t matter. I’ll ignore myself and focus on others. Let’s do something bigger. Let’s change the world.”

Jordan Peterson makes this a rule for life:

“Rule 6: Set Your House In Perfect Order Before You Criticize The World”

I fell into this trap so many times, yet this blog is helping me to reverse it.

I’m following Dan Koe’s advice: solve your own problems through your interests, then share the solution.

Hamza makes the same point in his 2.5+ hour video: "Full $10,000/Month Guide in 2023”

Charlie Bartlett (from the movie I analyzed in the last letter) ends up realizing the same thing: “I’m just a kid”

His original dream was to give a motivational speech to a completely packed football stadium, full of fans cheering his name.

At the end of the movie, he gives a speech, to his classmates.

And instead of being this big motivational “You can do it, like I did” kind of speech, which he had planned on, he decides to change it on the spot.

Instead, he explains: 

“If there's one thing I want you guys to walk away with tonight… it's that you guys don't need me. 

I really mean it. 

You think I'm any less screwed up than you are? 

I get up every morning and I look in the mirror and I try and figure out just where I fit in.

And I draw a complete blank.”

The audience is infinitely smaller, the message is drastically different, smaller, you could say:

It has less energy, it’s less motivating.

But it’s more honest.

And because of that, more inspiring, more helpful, more powerful. 

Not only for the people but for himself.

“If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you.”
— Gospel of Thomas

Yet how many times we are like Charlie at the start of the movie, thinking wild dreams and thinking that big, famous, and massively successful is the purpose of our lives?

We forget dharma is in every little thing.

We forget we matter, just as we are.

Dharma is NOT grandiose.

Think of the small as large.

Doesn’t have to be helping people.

It might, or it might not.

Think about it. What was the dharma of the examples laid above when they started?

Was David Goggins’ dharma to motivate millions at 297 pounds overweight?

Did he even need to think about that “life’s purpose” or “mission”?

He didn’t need to, and he didn’t do it.

He followed his heart, telling him: “Get the heck out of this life(style). It’s fucking painful.”

And he did.

Dr K explains that from the moment we are born until we are around 25 or 30, our dharma is usually to develop, learn, and grow. Our dharma is to ourselves.

I’m in this stage of my life and I’m here sharing what I learn in the way.

I’m no guru. I’m no expert.

I’m quoting and explaining what I learned from my teachers, sharing my journey in applying it and connecting it to what I know, thus forming a unique perspective.

My teachings only apply as long as my teachers’ teachings do. I’m not inventing anything, which is why what I teach can be of any use. 

And if I would be expecting to be as famous and successful as the people I take these teachings from in just a couple of years (as I did before), I’m in for a painful realization more sooner than later, the progressive decay of motivation, and the eventual ceasing of this pursuit.

I’m talking from experience because this has happened to me in the past, like on my first self-improvement YouTube channel.

Given know I’m letting go more and more of this expectation and learning to use this blog for my own self-development, as Dan Koe also suggests, I’m viewing this as a side quest in my main quest of uncovering and solving my deepest problems.

This is the path based on faith: If I do what’s correct, I’ll be okay.

Evolving

Your dharma evolves through life. We can see a simple example with this general dharma pattern Hinduism describes.

Take into account that dharma can come, evolve, change, and is unique to you. 

As Dr. K describes, this is not set in stone and more of a common pattern than an strict guideline. 

Even then, this concept was one of the most helpful for me:

Dr. K talks about the 4 stages of life and their respective general dharma as taught in Hinduism.

I mentioned the first one before:

The Student (approx: 0-25/30 years old)

Your dharma here is to learn, develop, and grow.

Dr. K recommends doing this in 2 ways:

1. Acquire a professional skill

For example, he acquired the skills to become a doctor, then a psychiatrist.

I’m acquiring the skills to become a writer and a psychologist.

What professional skill do you feel most drawn to?

Remember, dharma is evolving, it might change with time. 

What Dr. K and Stephen Cope suggest is to start with something: in this situation, “inaction” is the worst possible action.

Dharma is a product of experience, not intellect. You won’t “think your way to your dharma”.

You’ll have to go out into the world, try things out, experience them firsthand.

Escaping in distraction won’t lead you anywhere.

Starting somewhere (even if you end up going for a different path) gives you knowledge about yourself, the most important thing to find our dharma.

2. Become personally stable

This includes self-study and being healthy.

For the first, he mentions yoga, meditation, and spirituality.

The latter includes being physically, mentally, and spiritually healthy.

Why bother with this? 

Because you don’t know what will come up later in life, so you better prepare for all of it, in the best way you can.

• Physical strength

• Mental fortitude

• Emotional stability and wellbeing.

You need them all.

The second one is Householder.

It includes becoming financially stable, having a family, and raising your children.

The third one is Transition.

THIS is the helping part.

For example, Alok is doing both the Householder and the Transition at the same time.

Helping comes after because when you’re stable your helping capacity grows astronomically

Other two examples: Jordan Peterson and Bill Gates

Huge learning, making an income, raising a family, then helping the world massively.

The fourth one is Renunciation: giving everything you have away and dedicating to spirituality.

One example is being a monk.

This stage is optional and it includes renunciation to all of the above stages.

For example, being a monk you won’t have children, will be secluded from the world rather than having a massive impact, and won’t have to learn a professional skill, make money, and maintain a household.

Based on values, not desires.

This teaching from Dr. K made me realize how my goals were based on desires, therefore not dharma, which is why I wasn’t feeling motivated despite a big and apparently exciting goal: 

“1000 newsletter subscribers for the 9th of March”

It made me realize I was focusing on a side quest.

Let me explain:

Values come from within, desires come from without.

Most people choose their goals based on desires rather than values

Values drive you to action despite suffering. Desire not so much.

Desire comes from sensory organs: I want ice cream, a car, I see a couple holding hands, and I say “I want that”. 

When it comes from the external, it is a desire.

Now, If I feel loneliness and a need for companionship, that would be internal, a value.

Dharma changes your tolerance of pain, it increases it. 

Desires are side quests for the mind, so they rarely will.

All you do is a side-quest:

Making money? Side-quest. 

Losing weight? Side-quest. 

No one has a main quest.

To achieve the main quest, you’ll need the side quests.

But to be motivated and make wise choices, you need to see them for what they are:

Side quests.

And you need to keep your main quest always in mind.

Duty, not guilt.

I also faced this misconception in my past.

Someone we love is having a rough time and we feel it’s our duty to help them.

If we don’t we feel guilty.

I actually felt I had to rescue them, even though they weren’t asking to.

This is a huge misconception of dharma, and a very useful way to get out of this cycle is to come back to the stages of life.

Most of us are still a student, and to help someone you need to have something to help with.

Do you have the skill? Really?

Are you an addiction therapist? A life coach? An uber-driver? A professional cook?

This can be tricky because the point is not to avoid helping others and just focus on ourselves.

Our immediate surroundings need to be taken care of, our close ones need our help sometimes, and they always need our love.

Love isn’t trying to change the other person or make them subdue to our perspective.

It goes both ways, subduing or changing who we really are (letting go of our dharma) to please someone and see that as an act of love is another misconception.

In fact, it means breaking your self-love. It’s an act of self-hate.

Yes, our dharma might change given external circumstances.

But be careful for trying to give something you don’t have.

Always remain humble, never see yourself as a hero. 

Don’t lend someone a hand when they’re actively rejecting it.

How to find your dharma

By now you might feel like you have some grasp on what dharma means. 

Then, you want to feel its effect on your life, covered in the points above.

With this openness and understanding, you are ready to go.

For me, and as I described before, I felt some benefits immediately, like that pressure off my shoulders.

Hopefully these 2 exercises (the ones I found most helpful) will do the same for you.

You don’t have to choose, I highly suggest you follow both:

Finding dharma through values (by Dr. K)

1. Think about what your goals are, and whether they are rooted in the sensory organs. 

The sensory organs are eyes, ears, skin, nose, and mouth.

You saw or heard about something, you want to come back to a sensation you once felt, maybe someone you look up to has it, maybe someone you’re comparing yourself with has it or wants it too.

Personal example: Getting to 1k newsletter subscribers → sensory organs → not my dharma

It’s a sensory organ because the goal comes from seeing others with other numbers: like Dan Koe with 140k.

This says straight away that it’s not my dharma.

This was exactly my reasoning, and it helped a TON. 

I decided to keep looking and then change my goal.

If it’s rooted in the sensory organs keep looking. You need to be cutthroat.

2. Make a list of things that you want and things that you care about.

Simple. Some will come from the sensory organs, some will not.

3. What things you can do and endure pain for? Mark them.

Those are going to be your values.

“If I don’t care about anything, how do I develop a value?”

Go out and do something, anything. 

Remember: Dharma is a product of experience, not intellect.

Go for a walk, text that friend who’s having a rough time, take care of yourself like you’d care for a friend (view yourself as a third person, not “I”), cook yourself a healthy meal for example.

LOOK for dharma. If you look, you’d be able to find it.

Dharma finding you (Dr. K, Stephen Cope, and my own experience)

For example, Dr. K started helping with videogame addiction, because he went through videogame addiction.

Hamza was absolutely into instant gratification and, because of that, his dharma became helping others with that AFTER he overcame it.

At the moment we might think our circumstances are shit, but afterward, we realize that our circumstances are what directed us to our future dharma.

We are drawn to things, our interests.

That’s what we were drawn to, and that’s what we need to learn about. Our dharma is presenting itself to us right now:

• Solve that problem in your life

• Delve deeper into the topics you’re educating yourself online

• Help that person that’s seeking your help if you can give it given your skillset.

Same with a job:

If we see it as a goal then we don't put our best foot forward.

If we see it as a means to an end, as something that supports us in our journey, it becomes a part of our dharma, something that supports it.

Because our job is not THE THING but a means to an end, we become less attached to results and more connected to why we are there in the first place.

Thanks to detachment, we put our best foot forward.

An excellent example comes from a story from Dr. K:

When he was a teacher, he used to tell his medical students to shift their mindset from grades to being able to save a life when they’re called on the plane.

Being so bothered about getting As can make you forget the importance of being ready when a medical emergency comes.

Your grades won’t matter at all in real life, when you’ll have the real dharma calling:

“Is there a doctor on the plane??!!”

Whereas with detachment you’re naturally motivated:

Your focus shifts from ACHIEVEMENT and external VALIDATION to the obvious place where your focus should be to better support your dharma:

LEARNING.

Another example, a personal story from Dr. K:

“I’ll try to become a doctor and work as hard as I can and if it happens it happens and if it doesn’t it doesn’t. NBG. (No Big Deal).”

That detachment is POWERFUL.

I’m not saying it myself. This is exactly what Dr. K mentioned in his video.

He also talks about this on a podcast he did with Charlie Houpert:

“Paradoxically what happened is I stopped caring about what I should do and I really just wanted to learn everything that I could about how a human being works.

And as I devoted myself to that it was really bizarre, when I graduated from medical school… I didn't even go to the awards ceremony because I didn't think I would ever get award an award because I'm failing out.

And I was like at the top of my class, I like wasn't even there to get it and I just never even looked at my grades.”

Your dharma WILL come, don’t even bother about it if it hasn’t come yet, just focus on your current stage and your circumstances will tell you what you need to do.

Dharma can, and actually is, presenting itself all the time. In the present moment.

And if you have no idea what to do just remember the student stage and prepare for whatever might come.

Next steps and closing thoughts

After doing the exercises you might be thinking: now what?

I’ll expand more on this in the next letter.

For now, I can tell you a very simple yet powerful principle I read in Stephen’s book. You can apply immediately, from now to the day you die:

The more you invest in your dharma (the more actions you take aligned with it) the more its power increases.

I started applying it immediately 2 weeks ago regarding my writing, when I thought my dharma was related to getting the 1k newsletter subscribers.

Damn it helped. I know it can have the same impact on you.

This is it for the letter. Do yourself a favor and take a mindful break! I know it was a long one.

In case you’re interested, I’ll share my 2-week dharma journey below, with all the dances of “I found it!!” and “Damn, I didn’t…” ’s.

My dharma journey.

I know for a fact it’s reassuring to see someone struggling as we are. We feel we’re not alone.

And when we see people who were in our situation make some progress, it also gives us hope.

I hope my story can give you at least some of the first, to feel you’re not alone on your search, maybe some of the second too.

Here is a summary of my attempts at finding, naming, and owning my dharma.

While first reading The Great Work of Your Life, 2 weeks ago, I read about a lot of stories of the great writers and poets of the past, the author loves literature so he used these examples to explain different dharma concepts.

I’m also a writer given this blog of mine and I thought I identified my dharma: being a writer.

I followed it somewhat but the pull wasn’t as strong, I was using quite a lot of willpower, I didn’t feel as motivated.

After watching the 1st Dr. K video and doing the “finding dharma through values” exercise, I decided I really cared about helping people who were struggling with the same problems I did in the past: depression, shyness, lack of discipline, videogame, social media, and porn addiction, codependency, etc.

My sense of engagement in life increased after that. I felt I had a clear reason to write, I felt there was something meaningful about what I was doing.

I won’t be giving advice to other writers or people who are, like me, trying to build an online audience.

I will be giving advice to my past self, or my present self, which I think the advice they need usually overlaps.

Then after hearing the “go help a friend” advice from Dr. K, I thought it a good idea to help friends in the Hermandad Argentina (a group of friends of mine, originally formed as the Argentinian group of Hamza’s Discord).

To pump up the community, to text friends who might use my help. 

This would contribute to my “help my past self” dharma given they also face some of the same struggles I faced.

Then, in the second video I watched from Dr. K, he explained the concept of the 4 Stages of Life. It had a profound effect on me the moment I saw myself as a student.

This is when I felt a weight off my shoulders when detaching from the outcome of the content creation route. As I said in the letter, less of the “trying to be someone I’m not”.

This is what I wrote a few days ago describing my current dharma:

“Humbly sharing my journey prioritizing the lessons from my mentors, sharing as a peer rather than a guru, same with my conversations with friends: share (and ask, and listen) as a peer, rather than a guru.

I will develop my writing skills, AND other skills required for personal branding, given my current circumstances (Jack’s cohort) 

— Jack’s cohort: This is the course on content creation, peak performance, and audience building (including personal branding) that I’m doing right now.

My content will be guided by my personal development, interests, and solving my own problems, not from views, likes or virality. My main quest is learning. Learning, health and developing myself is my current dharma.

Part of that is sharing here in my blog, and with friends and family, developing HONESTY.

And writing is not only a professional skill but it aids in my learning journey given how I’m orienting it:

Focusing on my personal development rather than helping tons of people, going viral, or making money. if money comes, money comes, if it doesn’t, it doesn’t, no big deal, I’ll be getting my Psychology degree anyway.”

Fucking powerful.

My aim and motivation is getting clearer.

For example, I picked up a new book, The Power of Now, rather than Mastery or the Bhagavad Gita, which I had the idea in my mind that would aid me the most in the next letter.

Yet The Power of Now I feel is what I need to read the most to aid on my self-development journey. I picked it and it’s been fantastic.

Also, yesterday (after reading The Power of Now for some time, maybe an hour in the morning) I wrote all day until dinner, of course with frequent and long breaks, but they ended and I came back to writing, no distractions, phone turned off the whole day. Wonderful.

Now, after writing the whole letter and rereading what I wrote before, I’d change that ending where I describe my dharma (yes, another change!):

… no big deal, I’ll be learning writing, growing, getting to know myself and pursuing health anyway. And no matter what happens I’ll be following my dharma.

Feel free to reach out to me on X (@ValenBiasi) or leave a comment below if you have any opinion, doubt, or something to add.

(If you want to say anything, reach out! We can learn from each other!)

See you soon: in the comments, on X, or in the next letter.

Bye!

Valen Biasi

References

Dr. K (1st video): Dharma Lecture 1: How Responsibility and Purpose Help With Suffering

Dr. K (2nd video): Mental Health Bootcamp: Dharma | Healthy Gamer Webinar #5

Dr. K and Charlie Houpert podcast: Psychiatrist Tells The Truth About Red Pill & The Men’s Mental Health Crisis (ft. Dr.K)

Stephen Cope’s book: The Great Work of Your Life: A Guide for the Journey to Your True Calling