First of all, I start with the inspiration for this text.

My cousin recently had his 14th birthday.

I wanted to give a book to him, to introduce him to the world of self-improvement, given at around that age I was getting to know more and more about it myself.

I couldn’t decide which book, as my introduction to self-improvement was through YT videos.

But there is no single channel that I would recommend to him right now.

Even if I wanted to, the channel that changed my life the most 2-3 years ago was Hamza’s, whose content is in English.

(my cousin is from Argentina like me, with Spanish as mother tongue)

And even then, I’d outgrown many of his views and advice and wouldn’t desire my cousin to go exactly down that path.

It’s interesting because normally, I would recommend Hamza to a young teenager wanting to improve his life, but when is someone I really care about, I take the responsibility to give him the best hand forward.

It’s like I’m ready to be a mentor.

Not a copycat, but a mentor in my own right.

To be honest, I don’t talk to my cousin that often/, but maybe 4-10 days per year. We live somewhat far apart, maybe around an hour or two hours away.

I haven’t been taking as much initiative as I would have wanted to be able to be there for him whenever he needs someone to listen to him or offer him some guidance.

Now I’m changing that.

I’ll be there for him.

Maybe he needs me much, maybe he needs me little or not at all.

But human connection is always worthwhile, even if it’s to have some fun, I’ll be there for him.

So, I’m going to start with the reason I got into self-improvement in the first place, at around 13 years old.

Love.

I remember that stage of my life very fondly, and I’m going to suppose that you would love to hear my words.

That, like I had back in the day, you have doubts regarding life and love.

I’m going to try to answer in the best way I can, after all these years of journeying (I’m now 19), having gone through that stage of my life, with good decisions, and regrets.

For me, it’s a responsibility and a pleasure to guide you in the best way I can, at any time you want.

Let’s get started.

Chapter 1: Love

Give yourself permission

At 13, I fell in love for the first time.

I was quite shy, and she was too.

Her name was Aylin. She was smart and beautiful.

My group of friends was composed of 5 guys: Ivan, Lautaro, Augustín, Tino, and Nahuel.

We weren’t popular.

We loved playing computer games, and our families were more modest than most of our classmates.

We were different.

(The reality is that we are all different from everyone, as well as equal. But that’s a topic for later.)

At that point in my life, it was hard for me to believe that such a girl would pay attention to me.

And even though she would return my gazes, I never told her what I felt for her: at least, that I liked her.

The fear of love is something that hasn’t gone totally away for me.

What I’ve done is increase my tolerance to the paralysis that fear tries to generate.

Today I feel freer than ever to express my love.

This doesn’t mean something ideal, that I have all the confidence in the world.

But I give myself permission to go forward: look at a girl in the eyes, approach her, talk to her, and ask her on a date.

I give myself permission to go for a kiss.

And, even though I never had a girlfriend, I feel good with myself, which is what matters most.

Yes, I have times where I criticize myself, I get frustrated, I overthink, I do (or not do) things and then I look back with regret,

Sometimes the fear takes over me and I don’t show the braveness my name seems to indicate.

(Valentín, very similar to valentía, the Spanish word for braveness)

And other times when I do.

And I discovered that capacity is available at any time.

Is on us to touch it, embrace it, to arrive.

Despite the fear, the heart beating at 1000 per hour, the trembling, the sweating, and the broken voice, being able to say what you mean.

Is surprising to see the amount of things in life that require this.

Say what you mean

Saying what one thinks is one of the most important skills that one can cultivate, and I fortunately cultivated and continue to cultivate to this day. (I will expand on these in later letters)

When you start to do this, and you start to do the different things I’m going to teach you, your voice won’t be broken, you won't sweat nor tremble.

You could be somewhat nervous, but those fears will fade into the background, and you will be able to be yourself, not only in WHAT you say, but also in HOW you say it.

To express that confidence that is within you, to express that love exactly how you feel it: free, passionate, whole, without limitations, without fear.

And that doesn’t only apply to romantic relationships, but to everything.

Love to your job, to your family, to the planet, to yourself.

The love I have to tell you all of this, without fear of being hurt, and willing to help you.

The love I put when I write online, for what I learn and do, including successes and failures, can be seen, praised, criticized, and observed by anyone.

The love I put into my job when I’m looking for someone to reach his potential as a communicator and human, bonding with other humans.

Without giving your love, nothing is possible. Giving your love, everything is possible.

I just come from that. I was a couple of hours coming and going, looking at my phone.

I’ve done it.

The good thing about hard things is that you recognize what you’re capable of.

It also lifts a weight off your shoulders, increasing your inner strength.

You break the rules you absorbed from society: “Don’t do _____  because you’re going to look bad.”

Our brain learned what to do and what not to do for you to be somewhat okay.

The problem is, that this “somewhat” a lot of the times drops to “almost nothing”, and that it rarely goes past the “somewhat.”

We have to rock the boat in this world to make any kind of significant change.

If you’re rocking the boat, you’re doing something right, know you’re on the right path.

And with rocking the boat I mean: receiving criticism, being told “NO”, being told that it’s not possible. (it doesn’t mean being unethical or disrespectful)

Connect with your deep lake

One of the things I learned is that one is like a deep lake.

The things that happen in life can agitate the waters on the surface, but in the depths of the lake, your being stays undisturbed.

They can’t change who you are, nor disturb your tranquility.

One has to know how to connect with that lake every day.

I do it by writing, singing, meditating, reading, talking with certain friends, watching certain movies, walking, looking at nature, running.

Especially meditating is when I can reach the furthest, touch the depths of that lake, and feel peace.

Remember that no matter what happens, that peace can never be taken away from you.

Is always inside, like everything that matters.

I’m going to do this for an hour.

I did it, and for some moments I was simply thinking.

During others, I was observing what I was thinking.

This distinction is key. You can separate yourself from your thoughts.

You are beyond your thoughts

Sometimes, is other people who say “Don’t dare you do ____!”

Talk to that girl, ask that question to the teacher, or to that family member, or classmate.

We end up being ruled by rules about what we can or can’t talk about, and we end up with fear of being misinterpreted all the time.

We end up having a fear of expressing our inner voice.

Most of the time, no one is there saying to you what you can or can’t do.

Outside of yourself.

That voice within that doesn’t support you, but instead drags you down.

That voice that is talking most of the time.

When you observe your thoughts, you realize YOU ARE NOT them.

They are a part of you, but not who you are.

Your hand is a part of you, but you are not your hand.

Your body can govern that hand.

And you are not your thoughts.

There is an awareness capable of observing them, ignoring them, and taking an action or attitude different from what they say.

I separate myself from my thoughts on a daily basis.

I mostly do this through meditation and other activities that put me in a state of deep concentration, a state of flow, like writing.

It’s true that right now I’m putting thoughts into this document, but I don’t have thoughts in my mind, is something that flows, in real-time.

The difference is that I’m creating something, I’m putting my energy into something tangible, in the world.

Then my energy can’t keep circling inside my mind, preventing the vicious cycles of thoughts that drag me down.

When I’m writing here, I write with a higher purpose. The purpose is helping someone, and helping myself.

Deeply I crave to help myself, and I do it through this way of self-expression, and through helping someone else.

Think for some time about what are these activities for you.

It could be a sport, certain homework from school that captivates your interest, to play certain games.

Back in the day, for me it also was playing video games and editing YouTube videos.

The key is that you have both passive activities and active activities that can generate that mental state in you.

What do I mean by this?

Passive activities are when you consume something created by someone else.

For example, watching a movie, reading a book, playing a videogame, listening to a song.

The active activities are when you create something “from scratch”. You:

• record and/or edit a video

• write the script for a movie, a story, or an article

• make a videogame

• write the lyrics of a song

• play an instrument.

Creation, which is what you do in active activities, is what most people avoid.

But they are the key to having good mental health and a prosperous future.

How many times have you heard musicians say that music saved their life?

Or athletes? Or any kind of artist or dedicated person?

Because they found a way to canalize their problems productively. 

Creating, taking that energy out of their minds and into the world.

Another way where I create this gap between myself and my thoughts is in day-to-day decisions.

When my thoughts say to do something that goes against my values or commitments.

When my mind says to me…

• “No, don’t write”

• “Let’s watch this Netflix movie”

• “Let’s watch porn”

• “Let’s play video games again”

• “Don’t reach out to that friend”

• “Let’s stay in the house instead of going to that event”

• “Let’s keep meditating instead of dealing with that problem.”

I have to ignore those thoughts, remember my commitments, my values, or the vision I have for myself, and do what I have to do.

Open your heart to reach your soul

I love Twenty One Pilots.

The singer and writer from the band, Tyler Joseph, started solo. 

He played the piano, wrote, and sang.

He suffered from depression, and he expressed that suffering in his lyrics and melodies.

Nowadays, millions follow his band, he has songs with 1 billion views just on YouTube, and he keeps discussing these matters in his songs.

Even though he overcame that depression more than a decade ago and is already married, in a much different stage of his life, you can notice he loves what he does.

He keeps inspiring people who are going through a tough moment, as he did back in the days of his first album, No Phun Intended.

He brought that “negative” energy he had inside into the world, and he reached farther than anyone, including himself, could have imagined at that low point in his life.

This also serves to point out, that “low points” aren’t bad, and they can lead to your biggest breakthroughs if you know how to handle them.

He created a movement with a very clear slogan: “Stay alive”

The meaning is clear: no matter what happens, no matter how bad you feel, don’t kill yourself, keep going.

And, for me, it’s way more than that.

Is to really be ALIVE, to LIVE LIFE with an open heart.

This is what Tyler did in his life, and he keeps talking about it in his songs, like Tear In My Heart:

Sometimes you gotta bleed to know, oh, oh
That you’re alive and have a soul, oh, oh
But it takes someone to come around
To show you how

She’s the tear in my heart
I’m alive
She’s the tear in my heart
I’m on fire
She’s the tear in my heart
Take me higher
Than I’ve ever been

My heart is my armor
She’s the tear in my heart
She’s a carver
She’s a butcher with a smile
Cut me farther
Than I’ve ever been

And Shy Away:

Shed your modesty
And the only thing to leave behind
Is your own skin on the floor

He’s telling us to throw our ego away, to remove that thick skin of ours, that skin we put as protection as a protection layer against the world.

That layer is like an insulator. It doesn’t let anything in, or out.

Because it doesn’t let anything out, it stops us from creating something meaningful.

Trapped in that “modest” appearance: silent, tranquil, reserved, without doing great things, humble; we leave behind who we are.

We are staying with the skin and leaving out our heart.

Tyles advises us to do the exact opposite.

shed: to rid oneself of temporarily or permanently as superfluous or unwanted (https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/shed)

modesty: the quality of not being too proud or confident about yourself or your abilities (https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/modesty)

The point Tyler is trying to convey is super clear.

This is one of the songs that motivated me to send that message to that girl, that “Action” above.

And it’s what’s motivating me to express myself more and more each time in my writing, and what I publish online as well as in my life in general.

That modesty is the same one that doesn’t let you take the ball and make that dribble, to study that topic that deeply interests you, to make that killer presentation at school, to start CREATING instead of consuming.

You don’t need to be in college to start studying what interests you, you can start NOW.

Do what you have to do in school, get back home, and start learning what you like.

Why? Because you like it.

It doesn’t mean it will be more fun than playing a videogame, because at the start you’re a beginner.

Being bad at a videogame is frustrating too.

Over time, you will acquire the habit of studying on your own, and it will become more and more fun.

You will start to create better and greater things. You will create pieces of art, look back, and say: did I make this?

The reality is that yes, you could do it, and you can do so much more.

You only need to keep moving forward, or to a side and make some change, maybe express yourself with another instrument, or on a completely different art or field, who knows? 

Only you would know what’s right for you.

And you’ll be always moving, always expressing yourself in each one of your works.

Manifest a ceiling → Manifest your destiny

Don't just shy away.
Manifest a ceiling when you shy away

shy (away) from: to try to avoid (something) because of nervousness, fear, dislike, etc. (https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/shy%20%28away%29%20from)

That fear distances us from where we want to go, and we place our own ceiling. A glass ceiling.

Because it’s imaginary, invisible. No one can see it, but it’s there.

And no matter how good our lives might seem on the outside, we feel it.

We feel the dreams dying off, because of not having the courage to feel the hurt of leaving ourselves vulnerable to the judgment of who we are.

We fear opening up an old wound again.

For us, it’s easier to give our all in something less purposeful (like League of Legends was for me) instead of making our greatest contribution to the world, to find our destiny.

Because that destiny implies opening that wound, as Tyler did with his songs when he was at the lowest point in his life.

We open ourselves up to receive a tear in our heart.

But we need to cut right through the heart in order to reach the soul.

This is the deeper meaning of Tear In My Heart:

Sometimes you gotta bleed to know, oh, oh
That you’re alive and have a soul, oh, oh

My heart is my armor
She’s the tear in my heart
She’s a carver
She’s a butcher with a smile
Cut me farther
Than I’ve ever been

Who placed that ceiling?

We did.

“I can’t be with that girl/boy, he/she’s too beautiful/smart/popular (or whatever excuse it is)”

“What a talent that person has, he’s a genius! I could never get there myself” 

Yeah, he is a genius.

Because he trained, he practiced, he created, for years, maybe for decades.

You can reach that same level in something you have some natural inclination towards (your zone of genius) simply by going through that process of learning, practicing, receiving feedback and advice from people more experienced than you (like a teacher, coach, or an advanced peer).

The same process that the person you call “genius” went through.

When you don’t recognize that potential in yourself, that potential (and drive) to create, that inner genius, you are manifesting that ceiling.

manifest: to make evident or certain by showing or displaying (https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/manifest)

It’s made evident that you have a ceiling, a ceiling in your skill, a ceiling in your learning, a ceiling in the quality and depth of every one of your relationships: friendships, partners, family, acquaintances.

That ceiling between who you show yourself to be and who you really are.

That ceiling that keeps you comfortable and insecure, always in the same place, with minimum or no growth.

You’ve been with that glass ceiling for too long. It’s time to break it.

Is in your romantic relationships?

Did you never reach out to that person, invite them on a date, or tell them how you feel about them?

You don’t believe yourself to be capable of being with that person you like, or to being with someone who loves you for who you are?

Or you are afraid of him/her saying no to you and everyone in the school figuring out and making fun of you?

Or you are afraid of having a relationship, then breaking up and feeling so much pain or humiliation you prefer to avoid the relationship altogether?

Or you aren’t leaving a relationship that’s not good for you, leaving space for a better one to flourish?

Or you aren’t being honest in your present relationship, leaving no room for improvement, and blaming the other person instead?

Maybe it’s on your creative expression or education, on what will be your future career.

Are you trying new ways of creation, or are you just consuming?

Are you exploring your interests every day, or are you settling with studying only to pass subjects?

Do you have a teacher or mentor or you’ve been quite stuck for months and still haven’t reached out for help?

If you already found an art or craft you’re passionate about, are you month by month slowly increasing the number of hours per week you dedicate to it until you reach the range of 2-4 hours per day?

Or are you doing it only a couple of hours a week, maybe the amount of time you have with your teacher?

Are you seeking feedback and additional guidance from your teachers, or are you staying silent and passively going through the lessons?

Are you expressing your heart in what you’re doing, or are you holding back?

Are you making what you create publicly available, ready to be used or reproduced?

Or are you keeping it out for yourself, because of fear?

Are you eager to receive criticism from someone you look up to?

Or you are scared of what they might say therefore you lose on learning opportunities?

How does that ceiling manifest for you?

Express your love

So many times those fears limited me to get to the next level in both love and life.

Throughout my adolescence, I fell in love with two girls from my class.

Aylin, and Sofia.

Both had reciprocal feelings with me at some point, but I didn’t make any real move.

I don’t want you to go through the same.

I want that, if you feel love, you express it.

Through all these years it became more and more clear to me how important it is to get that inner energy out into the world.

When you throw away that modesty, you get rid of that thick skin, and you are who you really are, everything that’s good comes your way.

Sooner or later, it arrives, and more sooner than later.

What are you waiting for?

Be patient

Results arrive especially when you’re patient.

It might seem like a contradiction, but this was said thousands of years ago, by Jesus:

Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.

You may or might not believe in Christianity but this particular phrase has been replicated in many studies and diverse fields as well as new-age theories, like the law of attraction.

In the scientific realm, we can see the most researched therapy, CBT, consisting of identifying negative thought patterns and changing them for more neutral, or positive ones.

Another example is this article from Mayo Clinic: 

Positive thinking: Reduce stress by eliminating negative self-talk - Mayo Clinic

When you are patient, you’re confident that the result will come.

That if you put in the time, drive, enthusiasm, and effort, the score will take care of itself.

I experienced it hundreds of times.

Focus on the process, trusting the reward will come.

It’s not enough to just put in the work. You have to believe.

That belief transforms every instant of what you do, how you practice, how you work.

That belief is what makes you successful in the end.

One person who doesn’t believe in themselves putting in the same daily hours, won’t reach a hundredth of a person who does believe in themselves putting in the same amount of hours, given enough time.

Sing your songs

Searching for that feeling just like an I love you
That isn't words
Like a song he wrote
That's never heard

This part touches me deeply because I used to write poetry.

When I was very in love, I expressed the way I felt in a notepad on my computer, a .txt, like I’m doing right now.

It’s interesting because only once did I send those texts.

I sent them to Sofia after 1 year when I already changed schools, and I blocked her instantly because I was scared about her answer.

I told myself it was simply because I wanted to forget about her, and that’s why I was blocking her.

And for her not to feel pressured to reply anything back.

I was very naive in becoming aware of the tricks my mind played on me.

A year later, in Bariloche (where we went for a high-school graduation trip), I approached her and talked with her, and she told me she never received any poems.

It seems that when I blocked her the chat was gone, along with the messages.

Truth be told, I don’t know. Maybe she lied, but it seemed genuine.

In Bariloche, I also had the opportunity to express how I felt about her, but I blocked myself again.

I didn’t know whether she was in a relationship or not, but I could have asked someone, some of her friends maybe.

I didn’t.

And here I am, working through those same fears, two years later.

And that’s okay. I learned the lesson.

My recommendation is:

Work on them now, and enjoy those years of love, probably of pain too.

That’s what life’s all about, to drop that thick skin: you hurt more, and you live more.

Both the good and the bad can come in.

But God the good it’s worthwhile.

And God you become who you become to this world to be.

That is priceless.

No amount of money in the world can buy what that feels like.

And, as I told you before, no amount of pain can disturb the depth of your lake.

You are already enough, you are already whole

Take what you have, and leave your skin on the floor

"Take what you HAVE", what you already have.

NOT what you want to have, are supposed to have, should have, or what other people expect you to have.

What you HAVE.

You are already enough, you don’t need anything else.

Take that skin out, leave it on the floor, and go!

Step onto the stage of life, of the fullest expression of your own being.

Just with what you have is enough.

This is what’s inspiring me to write this book for you, to start covering topics like leadership and product development, to aspire to have success as a content creator this year, and to create in a volume and quality I never had before.

Because if I didn’t believe in myself, I wouldn’t be doing it.

I would still be “studying, learning”, watching more YouTube videos, reading more books.

And never that other side, never CREATING, never finding that balance that’s so necessary between consumption and creation, passive activities, and active ones.

Therefore, never being truly HAPPY.

Now I feel happy because I express my heart.

In that process I work through my own problems and help someone else.

That’s having a “corazón contento” as it’s said in Spanish.

A cheerful heart.

Stop the search

Don't circle the track
Take what you havе
And leave your skin on the floor

Stop looping around, in circles, searching for what you lack.

Because the reality is that you lack nothing.

That’s what happened to me for so much time in the world of self-improvement:

Always looking for another video, another book, another mentor, a partner, a friend, a habit, that changes who I am.

Meditation won’t change your life.

You will change it from the consciousness you can connect with in meditation, you start making decisions and accessing it in other parts of your day, like when you’re talking to someone or expressing yourself through a craft.

Everything you need is already within you, waiting to be expressed.

I got tired of waiting and I started creating.

I don’t need someone to tell me what to do, to hold me accountable, to tell me that I’m on the right path or to tell me to keep going.

Yes, it feels good. Yes, it motivates me. 

But I don’t need that motivation to do it. I can access that consciousness. 

And you can do the same now, and strengthen that bond to that consciousness more and more with practice.

Do you think it's weird the way I talk? The way I talk about consciousness? The way I talk about the mind? About the self-imposed ceilings? About fears? About expressing your being as if it were sacred? About the fact that you are here for a reason?

Maybe it triggers resistance in you, but a part of you recognizes the truth, at least partially, in what I say.

It’s because through words one can only point to the truth, one cannot show the reality in itself.

Your mind knows that very well, and until you don’t experiment what I’m indicating here, or you don’t recall the times when you experimented this, you won’t assimilate, feel, and apply it totally to your life.

That’s the why behind the Actions in this book.

You might meditate today, or create today, but you won’t create tomorrow.

Until you experience that flow-state, of being free of all fears, of full and unchained expression.

And that can take time, or it could not.

It takes patience to reach anything worthwhile.

You have to accept the moment as it is, the moment where no one follows you, where no one reads what you’re writing, where no one hears what you say, or looks at your art…

apart from you.

But that’s all you need to enjoy it and feel whole, fulfilled.

Over time, and the more you leave your skin on the floor, the more you show and share what you do with the people, with the world, the more you will transcend that stage and more people will become soaked in that energy of creation that your art has.

I wish, like me, that it inspires you to inspire others to get into the train of creation.

Then, you will be a leader.

Though in reality, you have always been one.

You led yourself to get out of rock bottom…

You let go of your past, of that past identity, of those old stories.

You barely recognize the pictures they put in a frame.
Cause you’d shed your modesty.

Now you are like a completely different person.

You were reborn, like a phoenix, coming from the ashes into a magnificent flight.

You are flying.

You now live in the sky.

Stay up on that rise
Stay up on that rise and never come down

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n3kDc9M2kqE

Table of Contents

• Chapter 1: Love

  • Give yourself permission

  • Say what you mean

  • Connect with your deep lake

  • Open your heart to reach your soul

  • Manifest a ceiling → Manifest your destiny

  • Express your love

  • Be patient

  • Sing your songs

  • You are already enough, you are already whole

  • Stop the search

If you liked this, please send me a DM at https://twitter.com/ValenBiasi or [email protected]

Let’s talk.

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